under the velvet black
i emerge
my mind; amped up
i’m tingling
thoughts soar about my brain
i can feel them, i swear it
i never feel as alive as i do when i’m manic
living suits me; Death can’t touch me

at such times
i crave the red
deep, dark
warm on my tongue
exquisitely satisfying on so many levels
i imagine that i will, one day, stumble upon a new donor
someone who cares
for people
like me
a giving soul
who would much rather give than receive
mmmmm…one day…

the crash always comes before i’m ready
forced back into the Never-be
like a dirty ol dishrag, i’m tossed aside
i feel the light go from my eyes
and a heaviness fills my heart and soul
thoughts that once raced have ceased to be
and every one is a distant memory
true Darkness falls
i am crushed by its weight
days and nights run together in a river of misery
nothing excites
nothing entices
i am in the deep part of the river
and cannot find my depth
i find life unsettling; i welcome Death with open arms








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