I think that I finally figured out why my mother gave me away to my grandparents…
My mother discovered that my father was/is gay shortly after giving birth to me. He left town, afraid that he’d be exposed. She had a breakdown, during which she gave me away, for all intents and purposes, to the two people she most despised in this world. I’ve never quite figured that out. I’ve never understood it. Until now. It occurs to me that, after growing up with their abuse, (it was severe), when she looked at me, I reminded her that she had gotten fucked over, yet again, by my father. I reminded her that she was vulneralble. She couldn’t stand to look at me for that reason, so she gave me to the people who made her feel vulneralble her entire life. Then, she had all of us…everyone who made her feel this pain…under one roof. After that, she never had to worry that any one of us could hurt her, or remind her of the heartbreak and pain she associated with her childhood or her first marriage.
I know that sounds like it’s a bit much, but when you consider that she divorced my father, remarried, had a legitimate child, all in the space of nineteen months after my birth, I think it’s right on the money.
The irony of the situation is that I, in turn, reminded my grandmother of my mother so much that she could not stand the sight of me, either. lol! Can you imagine? She just got my mother out of her life and then I bounced into it. Though, the story my mother tells is one of she and my grandmother fighting over me, but I believe that the evidence stands on solid legs. I could never tell my mother what I think. She is caught in what you call a ‘fiction’, which I call a ‘lie’, as there is not such a thing as a fiction when there are available facts. Actually, I think your ‘fiction’ is an abuse of the language and an excuse for liars to fall back on when needed.
That’s all for now. Just wanted to share with ya. I knew I was on the verge of figuring that out…for the last two decades. lol! Time, time, time…see what’s become of me…la la la… 😉