ehhhh…what’s up with this shit, Doc?

Dear Doc,

I should probably be sleeping by now, but I don’t want to go to bed. I’m having issues that I’m not comfortable discussing, but don’t know what to do about on my own. I guess we all have our sleepless nights, don’t we?

I’ve been up and down three times today. I hate that feeling. My mood just changes and there’s no going back when the bad moods hit. I’m not sure that there is anything so unusual about it, though. Your profession is based on some utopian view of society, where everyone behaves in a relatively uniform, happy, way. That’s just now how humans are. We are all flawed. Why is that so bad?

I’m not going to take the abilify any longer. It makes me nauseated and bland…dizzy and confused. You know that I have fibromyalgia, yet you prescribed me a drug that makes my legs hurt so bad that I can barely walk. I’d rather be sad one minute, happy the next. If I had to be that type of ‘normal’ all the time, I’d kill myself. I can’t imagine that there are people who live at that base line of emotion. It just isn’t possible. I think that psychiatry may just be a business model and not a cure, or resolution, for any real thing. I understand that there are people who are truly in need of help, but not sure that I’m one of them. Of course, I have some problems. I need you to give me some meds that will resolve those problems until I am able to figure them out, myself. Otherwise, you’re something like a parking meter that I feed in order to keep track of my troubles for me.

Not for nothing: After researching abilify, I cannot understand why you prescribed it. This is a horrible drug and I’m having serious side effects. What is it about you shrinks that causes you to guinea pig your patients? Is it fun? Are you a sadistic lot? I’m unclear on that, at the moment. I’m also quite angry. You have prescribed me a problem in a bottle. Here is a bit of info about this lovely drug…

As I am positive that you have the same access to information that I do, why have you given me this drug? That’s all I want to know.

I apologize for sounding so ungrateful. It does ease the mind to chat with someone like you. You are kind and honest and give excellent, if not somewhat simplistic, feedback. I get that it is purposely simplistic, but that doesn’t really work with me. I’m not a simpleton and it seems that the more you try to simplify, in the stead of giving me actual clinical input, the less insight I garner into my disposition. That insight is what I’m paying four bucks a minute for. I’m no genius, but…seriously…c’mon. Is this thing on????

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